Remain
by lightwavesurfer
Summary: You know you're in love. And the hard part, the difficult part, the sad part is that you know this love will stay with you forever. a ramble from a drunk author to you.


_I was drunk and this happened. Never write anything in 2nd POV before so bear with me_

 _Still don't own Love Live_

* * *

She always makes you curious. Always so focused, so serious, so thoughtful, so quiet, and so secretive as you look at her for the first time.

You are curious. You want to know more about her, to unveil more of her secrets, to find the crack on the pristine mask she's always wearing. It's innocent at first, but you know you're wrong. Passion is like fire, it burns you and leaves you with nothing but ashes.

She only smiles when you talk to her, and for that one second, you hear the clock inside you ticking. This is where all your tomorrows start.

#####

You know you're in love.

And the hard part, the difficult part, the sad part is that you know this love will stay with you forever.

You haven't seen her since graduation, and you reason that she moves on with her life. You try to move too but the memory is there, pulling you back to the time when you're still young, happy, and so very in love.

You remember her laugh, her smile, the tiny wrinkle on the edge of her eyes, the evident frown when she's annoyed. Sometimes you imagine the softness of her lips, her warmth, the feeling of her skin on the tip of your finger– these imaginations, you decide, are the gestures of love.

###

There are thousands of things you have tried to shut away, the news you don't want to hear, and how cruel reality is because you realize that you have no control to change things and somewhere inside your murky mind, you falsely wish that everything is just a cruel dream.

You hear that she's getting married to a man half older of her age, a widower with three sons, specially chosen by her mother.

Your heart is broken, cracked, and shattered. You spend your nights crying, cursing, praying to God that He'd send someone to poison that man on his wedding night.

Late on the night you'll drink, calling her, and when she answers, you keep your mouth shut so you can listen to her voice. She knows it's you and she'll say something that you can't interpret before it becomes too much and you quickly disconnect the call.

You close your eyes and all you can think is her.

###

Three-hundred and sixty five days a year that you have to live, and your heart goes numb, day in, day out, as you face another crying parents and grieving lovers. However, this is your job and you will keep your head high in pride, no matter how painful it is.

These are the things that have helped you to forget, that pushed you to keep going and look to the future. She probably wouldn't be happy if she knows that you have spent seven years lamenting. She knows you're so capable, and you wonder if she's proud of what you've become.

You live a good life. There's this girl from the hospital who loves you, although you feel her love is not enough; a healthy amount of green saved in your account; a lovely apartment and a holiday under the Pacific sun every summer.

This world is yours but it's meaningless if you still can't have her.

And you know it's useless to deny.

###

And then there's the time when fate shows its ugly face and makes a joke on you. She sends you a letter, a bouquet of red roses, and she says that she wants to see you. Her tone is cheerful, with a hint of hesitation and probably a pinch of shyness (so typical of her), and you find yourself smiling at the thought of her face when she wrote this letter. She tells you about her life, how hard it is to manage her family business alone since the divorce, and from that you also learn that she has a baby daughter from her previous marriage. Her tone grows steadily eager as she talks about her daughter, and as if she's here sitting in front of you, you keep your undivided attention to her because you know she deserves it.

She ends her letter with a promise to see you and a simple 'love' at the bottom.

And you hear yourself mutter 'I love you too'.

###

You see her waiting for you, in her royal blue kimono with her hair glowing under the dim light. She's waiting for you, but you already have your fair share of waiting, and so this meeting should mean nothing to you. The distance is closing and as you get closer, you can see your teenage dreams slowly unfold before you, the words you have yet to say, the promises you can't keep. You see her smiling at you, _for you,_ and you realize the world is finally right again.

###

She said she'd love to see you again. She shook your hand, and placed a kiss in a line between your lips and cheek. Here and now. You're powerless. And you know you're falling.

You're glad that you can still smile. And as you watch her walking beside you, your smile gets even bigger, wider, _happier_.

The warm spring wind tugs at your hair, and you sigh that you don't wear your hairpin today. But she's there and says that she likes seeing your hair down and giggles in embarrassment.

You follow her, not because you find it funny, it's because you are in love all over again.

###

"Hey Umi," you call, standing under the cherry blossoms in that one beautiful spring day.

She looks at you, her little girl is giving you the same curious look at you. You breathe and count to ten. You open your eyes and she's still waiting, and you know there's no escape from this feeling.

"I love you."


End file.
